I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
