I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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