Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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