Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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