I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Randomize
