Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
