i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
