I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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