When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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