i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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