I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
