just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think my fart just growled at me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
