i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
