he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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