Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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