last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
