Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
