I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
