Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
