even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
