my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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