just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
