I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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