If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
