You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
