so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
