I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
