I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Then you guys just all showered together...?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
