omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
