wrigley field is MILF paradise
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
