sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
