I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
