I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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