after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
