I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
