So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
