sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
