Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
