I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
