Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
