my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
