I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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