Can i not drive my cunt home
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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