My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
