I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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