sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
