don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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