Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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