It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
