Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize