and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
