I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
someone owes me an orgasm
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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